The Matrix: Not Reloaded
by Antoinette de Vanellet
Summary: 'Tis the Matrix screenplay, only screwballed around!
1. Trinity in a Jam

[Hallo there! This is my first fanfic thing on THIS account, my other was jenner-freak, but I was embarrassed to use that one again because my bad, terrible Twisted Lives fic was on there. I'm now switching to this one! Please uh, R/R?! Thankyas. Oh, yeah, and I have to give my disclaimer thing. Uhh, I don't own basically anything in this whole fic, because I'm using it from "The Matrix" screenplay, and um, only the thing's I've inserting and such are mine. Thank you! I don't know why I'm thanking you...]  
  
FADE IN:  
  
INT. COMPUTER SCREEN  
  
On a computer screen; so close the camera must zoom out.  
  
A blinking cursor pulses in the batty darkness like a mosquito cursing in a bug zapper light, burning beneath the derma of clear plexi glass.  
  
A phone begins to ring, we hear it as though someone else was making the call, not us. Just letting you know. The moquito cursor continues to be zapped, relentlessly impatient, until --  
  
MAN - I'm sleeping. Go away.  
  
Data now slashes across the screen, information flashing faster than we can read, and we don't even see why we put it in there if we cannot READ it at a reasonable pace.  
  
SCREEN - Let's just say this thing is typing up a bunch of binary impossible to be translated. 011001000111101 Oh man, this is exciting.  
  
WOMAN - Is everything in place?  
  
SCREEN - More binary. Someone get that mosquito out of the story. It's ruining the plot detail.  
  
We listen to the phone conversation as though we were not on a third line. We're too lazy to introduce the people.  
  
TRINITY - I said, is everything in place?  
  
The entire screen fills with racing columns of more damned code, shimmering like annoying green prisms that send those little rainbow things on your face when you're trying to sleep. They rush at a 10-digit phone number in the top corner. I thought this was all in New York City, why must we include the area code in the number?  
  
CYPHER - You weren't supposed to wake me up!  
  
TRINITY - I know but I felt like annoying you.  
  
The area code is identified. Yet again, why are we mentioning this?  
  
CYPHER - You like him, don't you? You like stalking him? You want to tape his numerous amounts of posters on your wall and kiss them, huh?  
  
We begin moving toward the screen, closing in as each digit is matched, one by one, snapping into place like the way those little model cars are actually supposed to fit together, but never do.  
  
TRINITY - Don't be utterly ridiculous. -shifty eyes- Of course I don't want to do bad things to every magazine with his photo on it in the grocery store.  
  
CYPHER - You're going to kill him. Do you understand that? He's going to die because you're going to lock him in your bedroom closet and leave him there, only to take him out once a month for a walk!  
  
TRINITY - Morpheus believes he is the One.  
  
Only two thin digits left. Wow, we really needed to know that.  
  
CYPHER - That was random.  
  
TRINITY - I... it doesn't matter what I believe.  
  
CYPHER - Did I ask you?  
  
TRINITY - If you have something to say, I suggest you say it to Morpheus.  
  
CYPHER - Does anyone ever listen to me?  
  
The final number pops into place-- OH MY GOD THAT'S FASCINATING!  
  
TRINITY - Did you hear that?  
  
CYPHER - Yeah, the pizza man is at the door.  
  
SCREEN - Trace complete. Call origin: #312-555-0690. There we go with the area code again.  
  
TRINITY - Are you sure this line is clean?  
  
CYPHER - Why ask?  
  
We move, still closer, the electric cussing of the mosquito growing into an ominous roar.  
  
TRINITY - I better go.  
  
CYPHER - Man you're weird. Are you sure you're not some type of obsessive compulsive woman who's afraid that everyone is listening in on her?  
  
He motions for the eaves-dropping crowd around him to settle down with the noise.  
  
She hangs up as we pass through the numbers, entering the fairy land of the computer screen. Suddenly, a flashlight cuts open the darkness and we find ourselves in deep shit.  
  
INT. HEART ATTACK O' THE CITY HOTEL - NIGHT  
  
The hotel was abandoned after an ant licked its way across the polyester carpeting, destroying several rooms as it spooled leaves up the walls and ceiling, leaving patterns of permanent shadow.  
  
We follow four armed DOUGHNUT JUNKIES using flashlights as they creep down the blackened hall and ready themselves on either side of Room 666.  
  
The biggest of them violently kicks in the door. The other cops pour in behind him, coffee cups thrust before them.  
  
EXTREMELY FAT COP - Police! Give us glazed pastries!  
  
The room is almost devoid of healthy eating habits. We must provide info about the furniture in the room, because it's somehow required.  
  
There is a fold-up table and chair with a phone, a modem, and a Powerbook computer. The only light in the room is the glow of the computer. It's bad for the eyes when reading in darkness, children.  
  
Sitting there, her hands still on the keyboard, is TRINITY; a woman in tight, black, sexy, fashionable, atomic-wedgie-giving leather.  
  
EXTREMELY FAT COP - Hands behind your head! Now! Do it! Come on and do it! Now, I say! Go! DO IT!  
  
She slowly puts her hands behind her head.  
  
EXT. HEART ATTACK O' THE CITY HOTEL - NIGHT  
  
A black sedan with tinted windows glides in through the crappy police cars. This car seems extremely out of place.  
  
AGENT SMITH, AGENT JOHN, and AGENT JOHN get out of the car.  
  
They wear dark suits and sunglasses even at night, which is also bad for their eyesight. They are also always hardwired; small Secret Service earphones in one ear, the cord coiling back into their shirt collars. Note to all children: NEVER TRUST THE SECRET SERVICE.  
  
AGENT SMITH - Lieutenant?  
  
LIEUTENANT - Oh shit. We're being invaded by Law & Order.  
  
AGENT SMITH - Lieutenant, you were given specific orders--  
  
LIEUTENANT - No I wasn't. Get out of my face.  
  
AGENT SMITH - The orders were for your protection.  
  
The Lieutenant laughs nervously.  
  
LIEUTENANT - You never gave us any orders.  
  
Agent Smith nods to Agent Brown as they start toward the hotel.  
  
AGENT SMITH - No, Lieutenant, your men are already dead.  
  
LIEUTENANT - WHY?! God I'm confused. I want a doughnut.  
  
INT. HEART O' THE CITY HOTEL  
  
The Extremely Fat Cop flicks out his dougnut cuffs, the other cops holding a bead, whatever the hell that is. They've done this over one time, they know they've got her, until the Extremely Fat Cop reaches with the pastry and Trinity moves, trying to refrain from her sexy suit being glazed over--  
  
It almost doesn't register, so smooth and fast. Like the fast when a mosquito lands on your skin and you smack it off  
  
a second after it lands, but it has already bitten you.  
  
ALL - WILL YOU SHUT UP ABOUT THE MOSQUITOES?!  
  
The eye blinks and Trinity's palm snaps up so fast that the moquito  
  
doesnt bite her. It explodes, spewing blood. Her leg kicks with the force of a wrecking ball and it flies back, a 1/2 ounce sack of limp meat and bone that slams into Extremely Fat Cop, causing him to run away.  
  
Trinity moves again, bullets raking the walls, flashlights sweeping with panic as the remaining cops try to stop another mosquito.  
  
A gun still in a cop's hand is snatched, twisted and broken. There is a final violent exchange of obscenities and when it's over, Trinity is the only one standing, because she was the one who could withstand that level of profanity.  
  
Earlier knocked over, the Extremely Fat Cop rolls slowly to a stop.  
  
TRINITY - Yay.  
  
EXT. HEART ATTACK O' THE CITY HOTEL  
  
Agent John enters the hotel while Agent Smith heads for the nearest Starbucks. 


	2. Impossible Pursuit

INT. HEART ATTACK O' THE CITY HOTEL  
  
Trinity is on the phone, pacing. The other end is answered by MACE WINDU.  
  
MAN - Operator here, ol' chap!  
  
TRINITY - Morpheus! The line was traced! I don't know how.  
  
MORPHEUS - I know. They cut the jolly hardline. This line is not a viable exit. Chip chip cheerio!  
  
TRINITY - Are there any Agents?  
  
MORPHEUS - Yes my good man!  
  
TRINITY - Goddamnit! I'm female! Don't make me tell you again!  
  
MORPHEUS - I'll stop, yeah. You have to focus. There is a phone. Things You Fall Down and Really Big Puddle That Mosquitoes Breed In. You can make it.  
  
She takes a deep breath, centering herself. She thinks, 'What did he say about mosquitoes?'  
  
TRINITY - ALRIGHTY THEN!  
  
She adds a familiar hint of Ace Ventura into her tone.  
  
MORPHEUS Go. Go, now. Trinity, go. You must go. If you don't go now, you will never make it. So go...Now. Go Trinity. Trinity. Are you listening? I said go, Trin. Go on and go. Go dearest. Go go go.  
  
He bursts into song.  
  
MORPHEUS - Wake me up, before you GO GO!  
  
TRINITY - I'M GOING, MORPHEUS! YES, I WILL GO...NOW! IF I DON'T GO NOW, I WILL NEVER MAKE IT, WHICH IS WHY I'M GOING!  
  
She drops the phone.  
  
INT. HALL OF DULL CARPET  
  
She bursts out of the room as Agent John..Not that Agent John. The other Agent John. Yes, that one. The one that looks more like Conan O'Brien enters the hall, leading another unit of police. Trinity races to the opposite end (of what, you ask? we may never know), exiting through a broken window onto the fire escape...Of doom.  
  
EXT. FIRE ESCAPE OF DOOM  
  
In the alley below, Trinity sees Agent Smith staring at her intently. She can tell he's about to vision her in even tighter leather.  
  
EXT. ROOF  
  
On the roof, Trinity is running as Agent John rises over the parapet.., leading the cops in pursuit. Note to self: Get dictionary to look up words.  
  
Trinity begins to jump from one roof to the next, her movements so clean, (cue Carwash song) gliding in and out of each jump, contrasted to the wild jumps of the cops.  
  
Agent John, however, has the same grace, yet not as polished and buffed.  
  
The roof falls away into a wide back alley thing. The next building is over 40 feet away but Trinity's face is perfectly clean, her washed, sparkling eyes staring at some point beyond the other roof, which is way to dirty for her leather suit.  
  
COP - That's it, we got her now.  
  
The cops slow, realizing they are about to see something clean as Trinity drives at the edge, launching herself into the air with a can of metal cleaner for the roof she's about to land on.  
  
COP - That's it, we got her now.  
  
The cops slow, realizing they are about to see something clean as Trinity drives at the edge, launching herself into the air with a can of metal cleaner for the roof she's about to land on.  
  
From above, the ground seems to flow beneath her as she hangs in flight, then hits, somersaulting up, still running hard.  
  
COP - Jesus Christ-- that's impossible!  
  
PEE WEE - Nothing is impossible!  
  
Everyone goes silent at that last statement.  
  
They stare like lockjaw germs, as Agent John duplicates the move exactly, landing, rolling over a shoulder up onto one knee, which soon buckles, causing the actor to off the roof and into a flaming trashcan.  
  
TRINITY - So much for that one.  
  
It is a dizzying chase up and over the dark rooftops, until that mosquito climbs onto the roof with the bug zapper stuck to its back leg. It's dragging the zapper ever so weakly.  
  
Ahead Trinity sees her only chance, 50 feet beyond the point where her path drops away into a pile of old deoderant sticks, there is--  
  
Why do we cut off like that every time? Come on, folks. We don't know.  
  
EXT. WINDOW THAT WILL MOST LIKELY BE BROKEN...OR NOT  
  
A window; a large clear piece of flat, melted sand. Also known as GLASS.  
  
Trinity zeros in on it, running as hard as she can and-- WHAM! (We see Morpheus jogging across the streets below singing various WHAM! songs.)  
  
Hurtles herself into the window, which is made of VERY VERY hard plastic! She falls, arms covering her head as the whole world seems to spin on its axis--  
  
INT. BACK STAIRWELL  
  
Carrie takes a break and finally transports Trinity somewhere other than the plastic window. She throws herself down a set of stairs.  
  
And amazingly, she is still alive.  
  
She wheels on the opening above, her gun instantly in her hand, loaded, clean, waiting for one of the Agent Johns, but is met by only a slight wind that hisses against her very very gelled-up hair. For example, when you wear windbreaker athletic pants and a bunch of wind blows on it...It kind of whistles. Same as Trinity's HAIR.  
  
Trinity tries to move. Everything hurts from that nice smash against the window.  
  
TRINITY - Go, Trinity. Go now, get up and go. Don't wake them before you go go. Come on and go. GO NOW!!!!  
  
She stands and throws herself down the rest of the stairs, only to say the exact same line again.  
  
EXT. STREET  
  
Trinity emerges from the shadows of an alley and, at the end of the block, in a pool of white street light, she sees it--  
  
The telephone booth, its clean glass nearly germ-free.  
  
Obviously hurt, she runs down the block and ultra-throws herself into the telephone booth using bullet-time. Focusing in completely, her pace quickening, as the phone begins to ring. She picks it up, but a pizza delivery guy slams into the booth as well. Damned kids. Those managers oughtta tell 'em they need a license before being able to deliver pizzas. Suddenly, ANOTHER MAN FROM LAW AND ORDER STEPS OUT OF THE VEHICLE! HE'S the one that needs the license!  
  
Trinity vanishes.  
  
L&O's jaw sets as he grinds his molars in frustration. Agents John and Agent John.  
  
AGENT JOHN - She got out.  
  
LAW AND ORDER - It doesn't matter.  
  
AGENT JOHN - WHAT?! WE WENT THROUGH ALL THIS TROUBLE JUST FOR YOU TO SAY IT DOESN'T MATTER?! I'm quitting after this trilogy is done, because I can't quit now. Anywho, I like the bullet dodging part.  
  
L&O has a constipated look on his face.  
  
LAW AND ORDER - ...Yes.  
  
AGENT JOHN 1 - We have the name of their  
next target.  
  
AGENT JOHN 2 - The name is Neo........Sporin. -girly giggle-  
  
LAW AND ORDER - We'll need a search running.  
  
AGENT JOHN - It's already finished. Trinity found him.  
  
LAW AND ORDER - How unintelligent are you guys?  
  
We are sucked towards the mouthpiece of the phone, closer and closer, until we cannot get sucked in anymore. This hurts.  
  
Swallowed by darkness....Uh.... 


End file.
